Camp Mary Sue
by deathnoteuser07
Summary: Oh gods...a Mary Sue has arrived at camp. How will she mess things up? GIVVE MI GOODE REVIWEZ OR I WNOT UPDATTE!111 Ok, just kidding about that last part.
1. Chapter 1: IMPORTANT PLEASE READ

**For people that are easily confused: **

**This fanfiction is NOT meant to be serious. This is a parody; a satire; a joke. It just makes fun of Mary Sues, and it's simply written in that style. So there, I don't really write like 'a dyslexic two year old.' **

**~deathnoteuser07**


	2. Chapter 2: Meet the Mary Sue

**(Author's Note: Hey guys, here's a PARODY Mary Sue fanfiction I wrote. It probably won't be updated as often as my **_**Vampire Assassin **_**story, but enjoy.) **

Hey! My name is Annoying Jerkass Mary Sue Retard-Noob, but please call me Mary Sue (or you'll be sorry). I'm 16 years old, and I have a deep, dark secret….I'm a demigod (if u don't know what that is, GTFO!11) I'm very depressed and suicidal because of my really sad past. My mother (I have no idea who da fuck she is!1) abandoned me wen I wuz born, and my dad abused me. He would get drunk, hit me, and rape me until I killed him by randomly giving him a heart attack (I don't know how I did that tho).

Ever since then, I have lived on my own on teh streets, until an orc (like the ones from Lord of teh Ringz) came out of nowhere & attacked me1! I thought I was dead until a really HOTT guy about my age wif gothic black hair and depressed emerald green eyes like the sea came 2 my rescue! He was so sexah that I creamed myself & he killed da orc & brought me here, and den I found out I wuz a half-blood (but I don't know who my god parent is).

Today I was wearing a very short black ledder skirt, and black corset wif lacy blood red thingies that showed off my G cup brests. I was thin enough to be anorexic, but I still have a large chest. I guess it's because I'm such a special snowflake!1 I was also wearing blood red fishnets wif boots liek Ami Lee (if you don't know who she iz, GTFO!1). My raven black hair (that shone in the sunlite) was let down 2 my knees, and I was wearing red lipstick wif gothic blu eyeshado.

I wuz walking over 2 da training arena, when I heard some1 call my name. I turned around and saw….(wait for it, wait for it)…Percy!11

"Hey, Mary Sue," he sed. He was so sexxxy. He wuz wearing ripped black jeans wif converse shoes and a black t-shit wif a gothic version of One Direction on it, and he was wearing tons of makeup, like Marylin Mansen (GTFO if u don't know who he is!11). His sad green eyes looked so deprezzed.

"Wats up?" I asked gothically.

"Well…" he replied shyly. One Direction is…OH MY SATAN, WHAT IS THAT?"

I looked up, nd I saw a sign above my head. It looked like a wand, w/h flames cuming out at da end.

"OMS WAT DA FUCK IZZ HAPPENING?1" I shouted. Then, I looked around, and saw every1 bowing down & worshipping me!11

"Ur being claimed, Mary Sue!1" sed Chiron (who was still bowing down). "ALL HAIL MARY SUE, DAUGHTER OF HEKATE, GODESS OF MAGIC, GOFFS & EVERYTHING DAT IS KOOL!1"

I gasped, & then I fainted, but Percy caught me b4 I hit the ground.

**Ugh…I think some of my brain cells died. Well wat do u fink? Plz review!1 I wont update until I get 9000 good vons!111….Just kidding, I don't really write like that but please do leave a review. **


	3. Chapter 3: She's Just So Damn Beautiful

**(Author's Note: Here's chapter 2! Oh, and someone asked me if Mary Sue killed her dad with a Death Note. The answer is 'no,' but you will soon find out how she did it.) **

Wen I woke up, I looked around and saw that I was in a gothic room. It wuz very luxurious, like a 5-star hotel & there wuz a large flatscreen TV & access 2 the Internet. Da wallz were painted black, wif posters of One Direction nd Justin Beaver (they were goths now!1) everywhere.

"Where am I?" I asked.

"You're in da Hekate cabin, Mary Sue," Percy ansered suicidally. "It's a cabin just 4 u becuz your such a special snowflake."

"I no, I'm just so special," I agreed. "Oh btw, I thought demigods couldn't use fings liek the Internet without being attacked by monsterz?"

"That doesn't apply to u, Mary Sue," Percy sed in a dprezzed voice. "Ur different frum every1 elze; ur special."

He blushed. "Ur so beautiful, Mary Sue. Even more beautiful den u were before."

I ran 2 da bathroom, & looked in teh mirror, and I gasped!1 I was even more beautiful (if that wuz possible)!11 My eyes were sparkling midnight blue orbs that just radiated sadness, and my shiny long black hair shimmered in the bright sunlight. My skin was deathly pale, and my features were delicate. Speaking of features, I gasped again wen I saw my ears. They were now pointed, like an elf!1

I ran out of da bathroom, & I was about to ask Percy wat wuz going on, but he started 2 speak again.

"Umm…Mary Sue…" he began shyly, and he blushed again becuz I was just so damn beautiful. "One…Direction…One Direction is having a concert 2nite. I wuz wondering if u wanted to cum wif me."

"OH MY SATAN!1 I luv One Direction!11 Yeah, I'll cum w/h u 2 da concert," I sed.

* * *

><p>At dinnertime, I wuz sitting at da table drinking sum blood (because I was gothic) when some1 bumped intoo me &amp; made me spill it all over my top.<p>

"Bastard!" I cursed. Den I turned around, & saw a blond preppy guy wearing jeans & a letterman's jacket.

"Sorry Mary Sue," he apologized. Den he blushed. "My name iz Jason Grace (but people call me Gary Stu these days). You're so beautiful, Mary Sue. Will you have sex wif me?"

"WTF?" I responded.

"JASON GRACE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!" some1 screamed. An ugly preppy looking gurl came by & slapped him across da face.

"I thought I wuz ur GF!" she shouted angerly.

"I'm breaking up wif u, Piper" he told her. "Your not half as beautiful as Mary Sue."

Piper den became so angry, that she dragged him out by da ear, nd while she did, I was aware of 2 more preps (Annabeth & Rachel) glaring at me frum across da room. I ran out of the dining room.

_Why did I have to be so fucking beautiful? _I thought sadly. _It's a fucking curse! Why can't I just be normal? _

I went back 2 my cabin, and I slitted my writs for one hour (while a gothic version of baby by Justine Beaver played in da background).

* * *

><p>I went 2 da concert with Percy, &amp; we got there in his black limo (da license plat sed 666). We moshed 2 da music as teh band played.<p>

"Baby u light up my world liek nobody elze, da way dat u flip your hair getz me overwhelmed, da way u smile at da ground it aint hard 2 tell, u don't no, u don't know your beautiful," Harry Styles sang, in his sexah British accent.

"OMG, Harry, Zayn, Louis, Liam, and Niall are sooooo hawt!" I gushed.

"Really?" asked Percy, looking sad. Then I caught on. "Relax, I don't like dem more than you!"

Percy relaxed. Den One Direction leapt off da stage, dey headed towards me, & they starting singing 2 me!11

"Sorry guys, I'm taken," I told dem.

"Oh ok," they said. "But if u ever need a new BF just let us know. You're just so beautiful."

After da consert, we drove back 2 da camp, but Percy told da limo driver 2 go 2 da forest.

"WTF? Why aren't we going back 2 camp?" I asked. Da limo stopped, & we both stepped out of da vehicle.

"Wat is going on?" I sed angrily. Suddenly, Percy kissed me!111 That kiss, turned in2 a makeout session.

"I love u Mary Sue," Percy said. "Even tho I barely no u, and we just met. Let's go all da way."

"Ok," I said. He took off his t-shit & I took off my top. We made out again, & then, just while wii were enjoying it, somefing unexpected happened.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS?"

It was…(wait for it, wait for it) Chiron!11


	4. Chapter 4: A SPECIAL Snowflake

**(Author's Note: Here's chapter 3. Enjoy.) **

"U Ludacris fools!1" Chiron shooted, as he walked us back 2 camp. He wuz so angry, he kept cussing at us, but I hoped dat he would let me off da hook because I wuz so goffick. Wen wii got dere, he made us go in2 da Big House. We got inside, Mr. D and another goffick looking woman wuz dere.

"These guyz wer about 2 hav sexual intercourse in teh 4rest!1" he yelled angrily.

"You mediocre dunces!1" Mr. D screemed. "How dare you do such a thing?1"

"Because…BECAUSE I LOVE HER!11" Percy confessed in a goffick voice.

Mr. D got even angrier (becuz he wuz a prep lolz). "WHY YOU-

"Let's let dem off wif a warning," the goffick woman sed. "Dis cannot be delayed any longer, I need 2 talk 2 Mary Sue. Chiron, and Mr. D, you may go now."

Mr. D and Chiron left, but Percy stayed.

"Do u no who I am, Mary Sue?" the woman assked.

"Umm…a goff?" I guessed.

"Yes, but I am also Hekate, godess of goffs, magic & everyfing dat iz kool," she said.

"OH MY SATAN!1" I shrieked. "So…so ur my muther?"

"Yes, and I hav 2 tell you somefing veddy shocking," she sed. "I am getting old & I have kancer. I will dye soon. Some1 elze must take over my job as a godess & dat person is u, Mary Sue."

"But…but…"

"Don't worry, you'll manage," she sed. "Because ur not a normal demigod. Not only are u half god, but ur also a quarter vampire, a qurter elf, a quatre hobbit, a quarter saiyan, a quarter witch, a quarter ninja, a quarter zombie, a quarter pirate, a quarter mermaid, a quarter succubus, a quarter cat gal, a quarter angel, a quarter demon, a quarter veela, a quarter unicorn, a quarter robot…and I 4get the rest, but it's probably sum odder super powerfull creature."

"Wait a minute…dat dose not add up!1" Percy pointed out.

"It's magic," Hekate toled him. "She will come 2 understand how its possible 4 her 2 be all those fings in da future. & Mary Sue, u will also have talents & abilities that no demigod has ever had b4. In da meantime I have sumfing 4 u."

She took out a wand, nd a spellbook & she gave dem 2 me. "Learn ur magic, Mary Sue. You'll need it." And then, she disappeared!11

* * *

><p>Da next day, I woke up in my cabin &amp; I got dressed. I wuz wearing a low cut black strapless dress that waz above my kneez, wif sexy blood red four inch sandals. I wuz in front of da mirror, wondering if I should die my hair hot pink, when I gasped.<p>

May hair suddenly turned hot pink!11

I remembered wat Hekate said about talentz & I realized dat dis must be one of dem! I had teh ability 2 change my appearance 2 my will!11 I thought about my eyez being vlue-green & suddenly dey turned blue-green!1

I put on a gold bracelet & I left da cabin. I headed 4 da mess hall, & on my way dere, I saw people kneeling & preying 2 me!1111

"All hail, Mary Sue, future godess" dey chanted. Even Chiron nd Mr. D were kneeling, even tho they had been so angry da day b4!1

"I'm not da godess yet!1" I sed suicidally. "Please don't treat me like a special snowflake!11 I want 2 be a normal demigod!1"

"I told u she couldn't take it," some1 sed preppily. I turned around & saw Annabeth, Rachel, and Piper. Dey were da only onez not kneeling. All of dem looked so preppy. Annabeth wuz wearing a pink My Little Pony: Friendshit iz Magic t-shit, and a matchin miniskirt, Rachel wuz wearing a cheerleader uniform (complete wif da pom-pomz), & Piper wuz wearing a low cut floor length sparkly pink dress. Dey were all tanned, & dey all looked liek a pentagram (lolz geddit? I'm goffic) between Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton and Snooki.

"She's already whining over da job," sed Annabeth. "Nd she's not even da godess yet."

"STFU, PREP!11" I shouted angerly. "UR JUST JEALOUS CUZ PERCY LUVS ME, NOT U!1111111111"

"HE LOUVED ME UNTIL U CAME ALONG!11" Annabeth yelled. "A N00B LIKE U DOESN'T DESERVE A GUY LIKE HIM!111"

"FOK U, PREP!111" I shooted. I tok out my wand, & I thought about burning dose stupid prepz 2 death. Suddenly, flames shot out of my wound & dose preps caught on fyre!11

"OMFG HELP ME!11" screamed Annabeth. "I'M BURNING 2 DETH!11"

Percy was da first one 2 get up. "Wow, dat wuz so cool, Mary Sue!1" he sed in a turned on voice. "So wat do u want 2 do 2day?"

"Letz play capture da flag," I sed.

"Ok, we're playing capture da flag after breakfast," decided Chiron.

"K," I sed goffickally. I glanced at da prepz (who were still burning) & I smirked. Dose stupid preps certainly got wat dey deserved!11

**Well, that was definitely the chapter with the most OOC characters. By the way, the reason Chiron was swearing is because he had a headache (reference to the My Immortal fanfiction).**

**Find out what happens to those "preps" in the next chapter. **


	5. Chapter 5: She's Ruining Canon

**(Author's Note: Sorry this was late, I was busy. Enjoy Chapter 4.) **

After breakfast (count chocula wif blood instead of milk becuz I wuz just so goffik), we went 2 da 4rest 2 play capture da flag (Annabeth, Rachel & Piper r now in da infirmary becuz dey had 3rd degree burnz lol).

"Ok people," sed Chiron (who wuz da referee). "U should split into 2 teamz now."

"I WNAT 2 BE WIF MARY SUE!" Every1 shooted.

Dis wuz going 2 be a problem since we can't play da game wif only 1 team. Den…suddenly….da Huntres of Artemis appeared!11 Dey were standing in front of us & dey were all goffs now, and my friend, Thalia Smith was dere. (Wen Thalia wuz a baby, she wuz kidnapped & she found out dat her mom commited suicide by slitting her rists wen Zeus left her. She also found out dat her real last name wuz Smith not Grace. LOL like she wud ever be related 2 a prep liek Gary Stu aka Jason Grace.)

"Ok, now dat we hav 2 teamz we can play," Percy sed.

Da game started. Percy and I wer defending our flag by teh river. It wuz just da 2 of us dere.

"I wish we werent on defence," I sed depressedly.

Percy didn't say anyfing. He did a few hand signs (lik saske from narutoo, if u fink dat show sucks GTFO U PREP!) & clones of him made of water came out of da river!111 (also lik in narto).

"Mary Sue, deese clone will defend da flag while we we try 2 take teh odder team's flag," he toled me.

"OK kool," I replied. We left da clonez dere 2 guard da flag. Den we ran off.

"I fink da odder team's flag in over here!" I said goffickally."

"Ho can u tell?" Percy asked.

"I just no it!11"

He followed me ass I ran, & soon enuff, we found da odder flag & Thalia was garding it. I tok out my wand & aimed it at her. Den, ligtning came out of it, & it shocked Thalia & she wuz knocked out lolz.

"All rite, we win!11" Percy sed. "Mary Sue led us 2 victori!11"

"Hooray 4 Mary Sue!11" Every1 cheered. "We used 2 lose 2 da Hunters but now wii won becuz of Mary Sue!111"

I smiled depressedly. "Well I wuz just doing wat I do besst."

"We should celebr8!" Every1 sed.

* * *

><p>L8ter dat day, we were all sitting by da campfire sining da campfire song song frum spongebob (if u fink spongebok sucks GTFO!11). Percy &amp; I were sitting next 2 each odder when Gary Stu (Jason Grace) came up.<p>

"I luv u Mary Sue," he sed. "Ur da only one 4 me, even tho we bearly new each odder."

Den, he started 2 sing boyfriend by Justine Beaver. He wuz wearing a white suit & he looked a lot lik Nick Carter frum da basksreet boyz in da I want it dat way video.

"I can't live without u, Mary Sue" he sed preppyly.

"GTFO U FUCKING PREP!11" Percy shooted angerly. "MARY SUE IZ MINE!1111"

"NO SHE'S MINE!" Gary Stu yelled. Den dey started 2 fite over me!11 I felt bad 4 causing dat fite, so I started 2 cry & cut myself. Den, Percy tok out his sword, & stabbed Gary Stu. Blood poured out lik a founten, & he started 2 run around.

"NOOOOO!111" scremed Gary Stu. Den he fell down.

"OMFG, Percy wat did u do?" I sed sexily.

"I stabbed him," Percy sed calmly.

"U KILLED SOME1 PERCY!11" I sed. Den, I ran off 2 my cabin crying tearz of blood (becuz I was just dat goffic) & Percy ran after me.

**Oh god…my brain cells….**


	6. Chapter 6: I Want To Slap Mary Sue

**(Author's Note: Sorry this was late, I was busy, and I had to work on _Vampire Assassin_, my other story.  
><strong>

I ran 2 my cabin & I went in. I wuz so deprezzed!11 **(even though she doesn't have a good reason to be)**. I went 2 teh bathroom & I locked da door. Percy followed me 2 da cabin nd he stared to knock on da bathroom door.

"Mary Sue, plz open up!1" he begged.

"No!11" I sed. I strated 2 cut myself wif a knife. "Y DOES MY LIFE SUK SO MUCH?11"

"MARY SUE, PLZ OPEN DA DORR!" he sed again. "U DON'T EVEN HAVE A GOOD REASEN 2 B UPSET!11 I LUV U MARY SUE!"

Wen I herd dat he lovved me, I opened it. "I louv u 2 Percy, even tho I barely no u…I mean…wii only went out on 1 date…&-

"It's ok, Mary Su," Percy said gofficklly. "Let's finish wat we started da odder day in da 4rest."

"Ok."

Percy & I helld (loz geddit? I'm a stanist) our hands (wif goffick black nail polish) as we walked over 2 da bed.

Den wii started 2 kiss & makeout. He tok off his t-shit, and pants, & I tokk of my cloves. Den he put his you-no-wat in my u-no-wat (is dat OOC to u?).

I wuz in da midle of an organism wen I notised somefing on his arm. It wuz ...(wait for it, wait for it) a tatoo dat sed "Annabteh!111"

"WTF PERCY?" I shooted angerly. I put my cloves on. "GTFO PERCY! U PROBALY HAV EIDS OR SOMEFING!11111"

I ran out of mi cabin, & i headed straight 4 da athina cabin. "ANNABETH CHASE U MOTHERFUCKER!" I yield angrily.

Wen I got dere, I opened da cabin door.

"Wait Mary Sue!1 Its nut wat u fink!111" Percy sed. He had followed me 2 da cabin (even tho he wuz naked. He had a big u-no-wat & everyfing butt I waz 2 angry 2 care.)

"Ho culd u cheat on me w/h dat prep?" I asked him depressedly.

"PLz let me explain!11!" Percy sed. "B4 I met u Mary Sue, I used 2 date Annabeht, but den I broke up wif her cuz she liked Luke, a super-prep. Den I met u & I new da u were da 1 for me."

"Yeah right!111" I replied. I ran out of da cabin crying tearz of blood. I ran 2 da 4rest where Percy & me first tried 2 "do it." I thought of Percy & DAT FUCKING PERP ANABETHH 2gether, & I started 2 cry. Suddenly, a guy appeared in front of mee!111 He had a black t-shit on & riped jeanz.

"WTF?" I sed 2 him.

"Mary Sue..." he sed in a deathly quite voise. "Hekate just dyed of kanser. Ur da godess of magic, goofs, & everyfing dat iz kool now."

I gosped. "No...dat's not possible!111"

"I hope u practised ur magic Mary Sue...drak timez r ahead," he sed 2 me.

"Wat do u meen?1" I assked, but den he teleported away.

I walked 2 camp & ppl everywere (includyng Percy)were kneeling & chanting "all hale Mary SUe, da godess!11" Annabet, Rachell, & Pipper were da only onez standing.

Suddenly I screamed. "OH MY FUCKING SATAN!111 I SEE SOMEFING IN MY MIND!111 KRONOSS IZ CUMING!111 WE'RE IN DANGER!111"

"WTF?" Rachel sed. "I'm da only 1 ho kan c da futur!11"

"Ur fired Rachel," Chiron sed. "U can't c visions lyke Mary Sue, all u do iz speak in sueless riddles. Mary Sue is da new orakle."

"But...but!11"

"GTFO RACHEL!" Chiron bellowed angerly. Rachel bust in2 tearz & she ran away.

"Chiron, Kronos is cuming!11" Percy sed. "He'll kill uz all!111"

"Den wii must prepare 4 war," Chiron sed wisely.

"WAIT I C SOMEFING ELZE!11" I sed. "DA ONLY PERSON WHO CAN STOOP HIM IZ...(wait for it, wait for it) ANNOYING JERKASS MARY SUE RETARD-N00B!111" **(*facepalm*) **


	7. Chapter 7: Everyone is OOC

**(Author's Note: Here's Chapter 7. Sorry it was late.) **

Da nex day, I wok up in mi cabn. I walked 2 da bthrom & I lokked in da mirror. I concentrated hrad on making my hare drak blu & suddenly it turned bleu!1 Den I made my eyes da sam shade of blue ass my hare. Den I got dressed in a goofic blak top wif spagetti straps and a short blak skirt wif black fishnetz, blak bots, & blak lacy fingerles glovez liek Misa frum Deaf Note.

At breakfast, I wuz sitting at da table nex 2 Percy (who wuz wearing a blak t-shit dat said 'I'm mor goffic dan u' and blak pants wif blak eyeliner blak nail polish& blak lipstick. He locked just lyke Logan Lerman wif makeup on. If u don't fink he locks sexy, den GTFO U PREP!111)

After I finished eating sum Count Chocula wif blood instead of milk, I lokked around da room, and den I noticed sumfing.

"Where's Anabteh, Rachl & Pepper?" I assked.

"Dey left," Percy sed in a emo voice. "After Chron fired Rachel, she strated crying about ho she's nothing compared 2 u. Den she left da camp saying dat she will hav revenge, & Annabeth & Pepper left wif her."

"Oh…well dey were prepz," I sed. "I'm glad dere gone; I hop dey never cum bak."

"Yeah…" agreed Percy.

After breakfast, I went bak 2 my cabn. I got my wand & dat spellbook I goat frum Hekate, & I headed off 2 da training arena. When I got dere, I strated 2 red it. I finished it & I memorized da entire fing in just 2 secondz!11 (I hav photographic memory & I'm a genus. I'm 213891023710 times smarter den Athena!111)

Den I started 2 fire spellz at da training dummies. After 5 minites, I goat board cuz I masterd every fucking spell in da book because I wuz just THAT good. I missed Percy (even tho we were speaking 2 each odder a few paragraphs ago), so I started looking 4 him.

I eventually found him in da stables, talking 2 his pegasuz in elvish lyk Aragon in Da 2 Towrs. His pegazus wuz blu wif a rainbow mane and blue wings, and it wuz named Rainbow Dash.

"Hey, Percy," I sed deprezzedly. "Wassup?"

"Da camp's preparing 4 war w/h Kronos & da Titns," Percy sed. "It's taking a while. Every1 is training & I'm trying 2 convince Rainbow Dash 2 let me ride her 2 battle, but she kept on refusing 4 sum reson."

"Huh...well, let me try," I sed. I spoke elvish 2 Rainbow Dash & told her 2 let Percy ride her 2 battle & she agreed.

"Wow, Mary Su how did u do dat?" Percy assked.

"I'm just so prefect nd special," I respondead seductively.

"So ho's da training going?" he sed.

"I've mastered every spell," I sed.

"Wow! UR AMAZING, MARIE SU!11" he said. "Hey u no wat wud be rlly cool? If u could master archery, and fighting w/h swords 2!1"

"I'm nut sure if I culd do it," I sed.

"I'm sure u'll do gr8!1" Percy sed enthusiastiklly.

We left da stables & we went 2 da training atena, where Percy taught me ho 2 fight w/h sowrds & bows nd arrowz. I mastered everyfing in about 4 minutes.

"Dat wuz so kool, Mary Sue!1" Percy sed. "I wish I uld b as kool as u."

"U'll never b liek me," I sed sexily. "Ur nut special enuff, & u hav flaws, unlike me."

"Yeah," he sed sadly. "Oh btw, dere's going 2 b anodder One Dierection contort 2day & Justine Beaver is going 2 b dere 2."

He tok out a bouquet of goffick blk roses & 2 concert tickets. "Will u cum wif me 2 da consert?"

"Of course!11" I sed, and den he kissed me & wii made out lolz.


	8. Chapter 8: Why Did I Read This BadFic?

**(Author's Note: Sorry this was so late, I was busy with other things going on in real life, and I also had to work on _Vampire Assassin _my other story. So from this point on, the story will start to make less and less sense, like My Immortal, Legolas by Laura, and...well, every bad Mary Sue/GaryStu fanfiction, and it will just get more and more ridiculous from here.)  
><strong>

We dove 2 da concert in Pery's car (it wuz a blak mercedes & it sed 666 on a lice plate). On a way dere, we smoked cigaretes & drugz & wii lisened excitedly 2 One Dierection on da radio. Wen wii got dere, we got out off da care & wii mooshed 2 da musik.

While I wuz enjoying everyfing, I saw Gary Stu in a korner kutting  
>himself. I ran over 2 him &amp; Percy followed.<p>

"WTF R U DOING HER?" I sed angrily. "STOP KUTTING URSELF!11"

"I'm tryng 2 be goffik," he answered preppily. "So dat u'll lick me,Mary Sue."

"U'LL NEVER BE A GOFF!1" Percy sed. "UR JUST A POSER!111"

"YEAH!" I sed. "U'LL NEVER BE GOFFIC, NO MATTER WAT U DO!111 AND GTFO!1 A PREP LYKE U CAN'T BE AT A ONE DIRECTION/JUSTINE BEAVER CONCERT!111"

I must hav mad him feel like crap because Garu Stu bust in2 tearz. He strated 2 cry & he ran out of dere. Percy & I wnet bakk 2 enjoying da music. One Dierection wuz singing gotta bee u wen Justine Beaver came  
>on stage. She strated 2 sing one tim, but den she tokk of her ma$k &amp; I gosped. It wasn't Justine Beaver at all!11 It wiz…..(wait for it,wait for it) Kronos!111 Den da One Direction members tok of dere ma$k$, and dey were da Titans!11<p>

"WTF?1" Percy sed goffickcally.

Kronos tok out agun & he pointed it at mi. "Die, b!tch!1" he sed.

I tok out my wand, & I remembered somefing I read about in anodder fanfic. "I'll pwn u wif dys spel!" I toled him sexiliy. "ABRA KEDRBRA!1111"

For sum strange reson, nofing happened!11

"I've blocked ur spell!" Kronos shooted. "Now DIE!111"

"NOOOOO!111" Gary Stu den came out of nowhere. He took out an AK47 & he shot Kronos wif it!111 Den, wwhile Kronos was getting shot, Percy and I ran, but den we heard some1 shouting 4 help. It seemed 2 be coming frum a closet, so wii opened da closet door & found...(wait 4 it) da membranes of One Direction tied up & gagged!11 so wii untied dem.

"Thx 4 saving uzz, Mary SUe" Harry STyles sed sexyly. Den he kissed me!11 "I luv u Mary Sue-

"Uhh guyz," interrupted Percy (who didn't lock very happy). "Kronos izz her, we should get da hell out of her!111"

So we ran out & we drove back 2 camp, where every1 was waiting 4 us.

"Kronos escaped, Mary Sue" Gary Stu toled me. "I couldn't kill him."

"I no," I replied suicidally. "I'm da only 1 who can. But ho do I kill Kronos? I've leaned every spell, & I still can't bet him."

"Dose spells don't work," Chiron sed. "It's tyme I tech u ancient magick from da days of dat war between da olympiens & da titans, & Mary Sue, remember wat ur mother sed about being a quater vampire, a qaurtr saiyan, a quatre hobbit, & I 4get da rest, but being all dose fings giv u special powers, Mary Su. Dey will give u a power dat's stronger den anyfing in dis entire book series!1 Wif dose powers, u will be able 2 kill Kronos."

"Ok," I sed.

"Training begins tomorrow," Chiron sed.

"Don't worry, Mary Sue" Niall sed in his sexah British accent. "We'll help u kill Kronos."

"I'll help 2," Percy sed, wif a deaf glare t al da memberz off One Direction.

**Datz al 4 now! Fangz 4 reding! Plz review (unlezz ur a prep, den u'll just flame...) **


	9. Chapter 9: Canon Characters Are Useless

**(Author's Note: Here's chapter 9, sorry it was a bit late, I was working on my other story, _Vampire Assassin._)**

I wet 2 mi cabin & I saw Percy in dere.

"Hey wat's up?" I sed emoly.

He locked at mee in a deprezzed way. "Mary Sue, do u louv me?"

"Of corze I doo," I replied.

"Butt u seem 2 luv Harry & da odder 1D membranez more," he sed sadly. "Harry izz hott, famous, rich & he haz dat sexah british acent. I'm nothing lyke him."

"Percy, I love u more den anything," I sed. "I swear on stix."

"Ok, Mari Su."

And after our conservation, we watched da humen centipad, wii played RunEskape (if u fink dat game sux, den GTFO u FUCKING PREP!11) den wii hd sexxx & he put his boyz thingy in mine. Da nex day, I woke up. I got dressed in a shot strapless blakk ledder top dat shoed of mi midfrif & clevage nd tight blak ledder pantz wif for inch heeld bots. I wuzz wering blod red lipstick, black mascrar & eyelinr, and I changd my hare colour bak 2 blak & my eyez wer blu again.

After brekfst, Chiron & I strated 2 train while Percy, Gary Stu, Harry, Zayn, Niall, Louis, Liam, Thalia, & evry1 elze watched.

"Ok, Mary Sue," Chiron sed. "U no all da spells frum dat spelbook rite?"

"Yeah," I sed.

"Datz god," Chiron sed. "No den, I no dat ur nut a regula demigod. Ur also a quarter elf, a quatr vampir, a quatre hobbit…and u no da rest. U hav 2 use all ur powers against kronos in order 2 kill him."

"Ho do I doo dat?" I assked.

"Well, u hav 2 understand wat all dose fings can do," Chiron toled meh. "An elf can shoot arrows & do elf magick (lyke Arwen in da LotR movie), a vampire haz super strength & speed, a saiyan can go super-saiyan, a hobbit can resist da effects off da one ring **(Author:** **even though that has nothing to do with the story!) **a ninja can do all dose fings they do in naruto, a pirate can do all sode fings dey do in One Piece, a mermaid can breath underwatter, a cat-gal haz cute kitty earz, a succubus iz extremly beautiful, and so iz a veela, a unikorn can heal peeple, and u also hav ur magic Mary Sue."

"OH MY SATAN!11" I sed goffickally. "If I can do all dose fings, dat mens dat I'm da most powerful demigod!1"

"Not 2 mention da most beautiful," Percy added.

"YEAH!" every1 else agred.

"Da fing w/h magic is dat u can do anyfing wif it," Chiron sed. "Wen u visualize somefing in ur head & u concentr8 hrad on it, u can make it a eality & 4 u it's even easier becuz ur da godess of magic now."

Sudenli, I realized somefing. I thought off da tim wen I wuz rapped & abused by by dad, I h8ted him enuff 2 wish a hart attack on him & den it relly happened!11 And I also fought off da tyme whn I wanted Anabteh, Rachl & Pepper 2 bern 2 deaf & it realy happened!1 I wuz mor powerful dan I thought.

"I no magik really welll," I said 2 Charon. "No ho do eye unlock me vampire/ninja/elf/pirate/saiyan/whatever the rest is abilitys?"

"U hav 2 go thru train," he sed. "U have 2 do all dose fings dat elves, vampires, saiyans, ninjas, pirates (and da rest of dem do). 4 instance, 2 go thru ninja training, u must do wat da characters on nareto do, 2 go thru pirate training, u must do watt da karactrs in One Piec doo, & so on. Wen u master everyfing, dat's when u'll unlock ur true potentil."

"K," I sed deprezzedly. "Den I'm going 2 tran."

"U CAN DO IT MARY SUE!1" Percy sed, cheering meh on.

"YES, U CAN!" Gary Stu, Thalia, Harry, Louis, Niall, Zayn, Liam, & every1 elze sed.

So I started 2 train. In 7 minets, I masterd all da ninja techniques, in anodder 7 minettz, I mastered all da pirate techniques, in anodder 7 minits, I wuz able 2 go super-saiyan, in anodder seven minats, I changed in2 da most beautiful person in da entire universe, becauz I wuz part succubus & veela (& because I waz so damn beautiful, I culd xharmspek!1), & it went on & on until I unlocked all off my powers.

"Ur training iz complete, Mary Sue!1" Charon annouzed. "Ur da most beautiful, powerfull & awesome demigod in da entire histori off da universe!1 & now u can bet Kronos!11"

"YAY!11" every1 sed.

**Oh my gods…I don't know how I managed to type this without slamming my head on the keyboard. Mary Sue is just….ugh. **


	10. Chapter 10: Who Writes This Crap!

**(Author's Note: Here's chapter 10. Enjoy.) **

After da traning sezzion wuz over, Percy & I wet 2 ma cabin, & wii fuucked. It wuz da most awesum, mindblowig sex eva & den…(wait 4 it, wait 4 it) I feel asleep!11 I wuz dreming wen I saw a ship & Kronos wuz dere wif his evil army off prepz!11 Annabet, Rachal, Pepper, & dat foking prep Luke wuz dere!111

"Wii will reach da cramp ass son ass possible!11" Kronozz sed prppily. "Den wii will kill all da goofs, butt most improtent off all, wii will kill Mary Sue, who izz prophesized 2 be da only one who kan stoop us!111"

"KILL MARY SUE!111" agreed Anabteh, Rachl, Pepper & Luke. "KILL MARY SUE!111"

"& after Mary Sue izz dead, we will destroy Olympuss, & den I will tak over da world!111" kronos sed evilly. "Den every1 will becum a prep, & dey will all be forced 2 watch Jersey Shore, Keeping up w/h da Kardashitans, & whatever shitty reality show dey havenowadayz!11"

"YEH!111" cheered all da perps.

I woke up. "OMFG! Kronoz izz cuming!111

"Wii have 2 warn every1!" Percy cried. We rann outsid, & we strated 2 yell.

"KRONOS IS CUMMING!111WE HAV 2 DEFENDE DA CRAMP!111"

Every1 ran out off dere cabins, & dey grubbed dere weaponz & armor, except 4 da children off Aprodyt, so I summoned a gun & I shot dem lol (including Silena Beauregard, becuz she wuz a prep.) We all had our weaponz out & we were redy. & den… (wait 4 it, wait 4 it) Kronos' ship appeared in da sky!111

Da Apolo camprs firred bullets at dem, but it didn't wok. Da ship landed & Kronos' army ran out off da ship.

"GTFO Anabeht!11" I shooted wen I saw dat dumb blond preppy bitch. She wuz wearing an augly pink brabie t-shit & ugly pink pantz. She was SO FUCKING UGLY compared 2 me (I wuz wearing a straples blak top dat showed of mi clavage wif blak shrots & black bots. My hare wuz blak & my eyez were blu. I locked like a goffick version off wonder woman.)

Anabteh ignored me. She tok out an iPhone & she ran 2 Percy. "Snape out off it CWeed Bran!11 Y are u siding wif her? Can't u c dat she's just a Mary Sue?"

She shoed him her iphone, witch had an article frum TvTropes about Mary Sues.

"Dun't lizzen 2 her Percy!11" I sed & I tok out a gun, & I fired it at da iPhone. Da bullet it and it broke. "She's just jellus cuz I'm 3873794924629937837373 timez kooler dan her!11"

Den I shot at her, butt she dodged. Percy tok out Riptid & he tried 2 stab her, butt den Luke appeared!11 He tok out a lightsabre & he & Percy strated 2 fight. I glanced at Thalia, who wuz fighting Racel, & I glanced at Gary Stu.

Piper wuz beging him 2 take her back butt Gary Stu ignored her. Den mi odder frend Reyna (she's so goffik now) stabbed her in da back.

I turned my attention back 2 Luke & Percy. Dey wer still fighting.

"LUKE…I AM UR FATHER!11" Percy shooted.

"DAT'S IMPOSIBL!" Luke screamed.

"SEARCH UR FEELINGZ U KNOW IT 2 B TRUE!1" Percy yield.

"!11" Luke cried. Percy tok out a handgun & den he shott Luke 28263823023238 times,, Luke fell over & dyed.

I glanced around & I saw all da odder cramperz, even Chiron, Mr. D, Harry, Louis, Zayn, Niall & Liam fighting Kronos' army (witch included orcs, dragonz, da minotaur, basilisks, Uruk-hai, gorgonz, Kampe, da Chimera, da Manticore, "Canadiens," dracanae, drakon, Stymphalian birdz, Miley Cyrus, Silena Gomez, Hilary Duff, Bella Thorne & loads of odder preps.)

Den I herd a trrible voice. "DERE U R, MARY SUE! IT'S TI DYE!111"

I turned around, it wuz…..(wait for it, wait 4 it) KRONOS!1111

**I'm so glad it's going to end soon..**


	11. Chapter 11: Mary Sue Gets a Bad Surprise

**(Author's Note: Here's chapter 11. **

**WARNING: This chapter contains bad spelling, a poorly written Mary Sue, canon characters being OOC, and the worst storyline ever. Viewer execration, oops, I mean viewer discretion is advised.) **

"Tin 2 dye!1" Chronos sed 2 me.

"No! Ur gong 2 dye!11" I replied suicidally. I wnet super-saiyan & my hare turned bland!111 I used da kamehameha move on him, lyke goku in dragonball z (if u fink dat show sux, den GTFO u prep!11) But Kronos wuz unharmed.

Den, I tok out my wound & I used a bunch off spellz oh him, butt Kronos dodged dem. He took out a gun.

"I'm going 2 kill u no!11" he sed preppily. He fired bullets me butt I new watt I had 2 doo. I concentr8ted & den….(wait 4 it, wait 4 it) I transformed!111

I was now a quarter vampire, a qurter elf, a quatre hobbit, a quarter saiyan, a quarter witch, a quarter ninja, a quarter zombie, a quarter pirate, a quarter mermaid, a quarter succubus, a quarter cat gal, a quarter angel, a quarter demon, a quarter veela, a quarter unicorn, a quarter robot & a godess all at da sam tim. Den I realized dat dis was da key 2 killing Kronos.

"DYE!111" I shooted. I used my vampire powers 2 sparkle in a sun lite lyke a disco ball, & it was so brite dat Kronos wuz blinded!11

"OMFG!11 HELLP MEEEE!11" Kronos scremed.

I den used my mermaid powerz 2 summon sum water & since Kronos wuz blinded he wuz choking lolz. Den I used my cat gal powerz 2 grow clawz & den I scratched him on da arm until he wuz bleeding. I combined my elf, witch & ninja powerz & I summoned a T-rex & dat T-rex killed Kronos & ate him (like in Jurasick Prak, if u hated dat movie den GTFO!111)

But every1 elze was still fighting Kronos' army of preps. Den I saw Percy's blak car driving on its own & den (wait 4 it, wait 4 it) it transformed into….a transformer!111

"Percy, is dat thing an autobot or a decepticon?" I asked goffically.

"It's GoffTron da GoffBot!1," Percy sed. |"It kills prepz 4 goffz!11"

"Kool," I sed. Gofftron tok out a gun & he shot da preps. After all da preps all died, every1 cheered.

"Hurray 4 Mary Sue!11" dey sed. "She saved us all frum Kronos!111"

"U did it Mary Su!111" Percy, Harry, Niall, Zayn, Louis & Liam sed.

Den Dora & Botts suddenly appeared out off nowhere & dey strated 2 sing dat stupid 'we did it' song. Den somfing even more unexpected happened.

Da 12 goods (& Hades) appeared!111

"Wow Mary Sue, dat wuz amazing!111" dey sed. "U deserve a reward 4 doing somefing liek dat."

"I no!1" Zeus sed. "Mary Sue, u should be da leader of olymps now."

"OMFG really?" I sed exitedly.

"Yeah, we wer doing a horrible job of running da world," he sed. "ur much better dan us."

"Yeah," agreed Athena. "Ur 8230131388888823 timez smarter den me.

"& ur 2983629302323 timz mor beautiful den me," Aphrodite sed.

"& ur 2093710310318 times more goffick den me," Hades sed.

"& ur so cool, u can beat da hunters in capture da fag," Artemis sed.

"& ur Farmville lvl iz higher den mine," Dementer sed.

"C Mary Sue? Ur just so awesome," Zeus sed. "We'd all lov 2 stand her al day & tell u ho awesome u r, but we really ned 2 get going. Will u accept da job?"

"HELLZ YEAH!1111" I sed. "& No that I'm da leader, da world iz going 2 be 20% more awesome!111"

"Wait a minute," Percy sed. "If Mary Sue izz da leader, watt will happen 2 all of u?"

"We're retiring," Posiden sed. "& we're all checking in2 rehab!11"

"Yeah, we all need pychologikal help," Athina sed.

"Cool," Percy sed emoly, ass da olympians all teleproted demselves away.. "Hey, Mary Sue, being da leder gives u benefits, right?"

"Yeah," I sed. "DIS IS DA BEST DAY OFF MI LYFE!11 I DEFEATED KRONOS & I'M NOW DA LEADER OF OLYMPUS!11 I'M IMMORTAL & I'LL MAK U IMMORTAL 2, DIS MEANS DAT WE CAN HAV SEXXX 4 ALL OF ETERNITY!11 NO LET'S GO 2 DA THRONE R00M & FUCK!1111"

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!" someone else yelled. I tuned around, & I saw a girl wif blond hare. She wuz wearing a green tank top, black shorts, and black boots.

"Who da fuck r u?" I asked.

"I am Muffy, the Mary Sue Slayer!"

**The next chapter's gonna be awesome! **


	12. Chapter 12: Canon Is Sort of Restored

**(Author's Note: Sorry this was so late. I was busy working on three other fanfics, including _Vampire Assassin. _Speaking of VA, I made a new video about that fanfic, the link to it is posted on my profile. Plus I was busy with real life, but yeah, I managed to get this done, and this is the last chapter. Enjoy while you watch Mary Sue get what she deserves.) **

"Mary Sue," Muffy said. "You're already done enough damage to this story. From now on, you will no longer be the narrator. This story will now be told in third person."

"NOOOOO!11" cried Mary Sue. "Dey ned me & mi awesum naratig stile!111"

Muffy waved her hand, like she was doing the Jedi mind trick, but this time it wasn't a trick; it was all real. Canon was restored back to the PJOverse.

Percy realized how stupid he was when he 'dumped' Annabeth for the sue, so he apologized to her, and she accepted. Rachel was now the camp oracle, Jason was no longer a lovesick puppy who would do anything for Mary Sue, and he apologized to Reyna (his true love), and she kissed him. Piper was also back to normal, but when she realized that Jason no longer loved her, she shot herself in the head (and in the Heroes of Olympus series, she was replaced by Bob the half-blood son of Michael Bay, the god of explosions, but we're not talking about that right now). Things that shouldn't exist in the PJOverse (like lightsabers and GoffTron the GoffBot) disappeared, and the chracters that should have been dead (like Luke) fell to the ground.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!1111" screamed the sue. "Wat da fuuk r u dong? Ur ruining everyfing!111"

"Correction, Mary Sue, _you've _ruined everything," Muffy said. "I'm correcting your mistakes."

Mary Sue tried to shoot spells at Muffy, but nothing happened, she had lost all her powers. Muffy then snapped her fingers, and Mary Sue found herself tied up with a her mouth duct taped shut. Muffy waved her hand again, and the gods teleported back to camp. Hecate (who was now alive) was there too.

All of them wondered why they would they would even offer Mary Sue such an awesome job in the first place, but they couldn't come up with an answer (even Athena was stumped).

"Now then, Mary Sue, I've got a punishment for you," Muffy said. She snapped her fingers and a spaceship appeared. She opened the spaceship door, and she kicked Mary Sue inside.

"PLZ DON'T DOO DYS!11" Mary Sue cried (but her perfect waterproof makeup wasn't damaged. "DON'T THR0W DYS SPACESHIP (WIF MEE IN IT) IN2 DA SUNN!111"

"Why would I do that?" Muffy asked.

The spaceship took off. In a matter of minutes, it traveled light years away into the center of the Milky Way galaxy, where it went through a black hole.

"OH N0!111" Mary Sue said. "NO I CANT GO BACKK 2 CRAMP!111"

When it came out of the black hole, the spaceship landed on another planet. The door opened, and Mary Sue's ropes and tape magically disappeared. She stepped outside, but the moment she did that, she was handcuffed by…..(wait for it, wait for it) an earthling! (Or at least he looked like one.)

"Ugh, another one of these sues," he muttered. "Well, come along, this is where you'll stay for the rest of your life."

"Watt is dis palace?" Mary Sue asked, as she followed him. She saw a lot of beautiful people, looking like they're being tortured, including a girl about her age with silky blond hair that glowed like the sun, and sapphire blue eyes being forced to listen to Justin Bieber 24/7 at maximum volume, and another girl (about 17) with ebony black hair and blue eyes like limpid tears being forced to wear preppy clothing from Abercrombie & Bitch (I mean Finch), Hollister, and American Eagle.

"This," explained the guy. "Is the place where Mary Sues all eventually end up. I guess you can say it's the fields of punishment for sues like you."

He pointed to the 'goffick' girl in preppy clothing. "That's Evony, no it's Enovy, no Egogy, no wait, her name's Tara, wait I think it's Eboby, but it could be En00by…oh I don't know! Nobody ever gets get name right!"

He then pointed to the blond girl. "That's Sapphire Jade Scarlett Rosie Arwyn Nightshade, the kind sweet girl next door who was kidnapped, abused, and adopted, and was really a princess from the nonexistent kingdom of MarySueTopia."

He led her to a wooden chair. She sat down, and metal chains came out of nowhere, and they tied her to the chair. She sitting was in front of five large, flatscreen TVs. The guy turned the fist TV on, and Barney was on. He turned the second TV on, and there was Dora the Explorer, he turned the third TV on, and there was In The Night Garden, he turned the fourth TV on, and there was Caillou, he turned the fifth TV on, and there was Go Diego Go.

"This is your punishment, Mary Sue," he said, as he turned the volume up to maximum. "You will now watch baby shows like those right there 24/7 for the rest of your life, and yes you have to watch them all at the same time!"

"NOOO!11" cried Mary Sue. "I DON'T DESERVE DIS!111"

But the guy ignored her, as he put on his earplugs, and Mary Sue knew that she was screwed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Meanwhile, back at Camp Half-Blood, everything was back to normal, Percy and Annabeth were training, Reyna and Jason were in the Zeus cabin reading old manga books (and if their dyslexia got in there way, the pictures helped them understand what was going on in the story), Leo was watching Transformers 3 on his DVD player, and Rachel was playing trying to predict the future. Everything at camp was back to normal, but it was kind of different on Olympus. The gods had agreed to be on a reality show called part-time therapy with Dr. Drew….because let's face it, those guys need it.

I guess that's it-

"Wait!" interrupted Harry Styles (Muffy teleported them out of camp after she dealt with Mary Sue). "You know how Rick Riordan always ends a story with some shocking event at the end?"

"Yeah?" said Zayn.

"Let's do that right now!" said Liam.

"All right," said Niall. "I guess the audience should know about this. WE'RE ALL GAY!"

"Yeah!" said Harry. "We're gay!"

"And I'm actually dating Harry!" Louis said.

"Oh yeah, that's a shocker," Muffy said sarcastically. "I bet we're all surprised abou that…Well in that case, I guess that's it. This story is

FINISHED.


End file.
